wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
