my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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