Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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