I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
