some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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