Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
