how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
