My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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