Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
