I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
and you fell through a lawn chair
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I did not marry a roomba.
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