is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
