my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
