Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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