we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
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