is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
