apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
