you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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