You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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