I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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