I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
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