Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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