I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
she woke up with a sticky ear
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
