oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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