Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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