i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
