its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Randomize
