Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
