I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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