i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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