i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
