im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
