Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
