Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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