Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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