Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
