and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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