peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just had sex bonerless
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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