you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
