So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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