I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
so much tequila, so little girl.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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