Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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