I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
