i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
