I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize