she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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