I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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