I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
