i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
