she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
