He kissed a someone with a penis
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I want to be your penis for a week.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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