I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
