I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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