Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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