is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
