so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
