just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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