The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
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I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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