yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
