you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
