I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
