Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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