when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
