i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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