Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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