He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize