he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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