i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
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he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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