i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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