someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
