he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My dick has a subreddit
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
