yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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