I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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