Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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