he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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