I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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