I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
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I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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