New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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