so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
