The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
